H e r o
by bevino
Summary: The words crunched. Like a record, played for one of it's very last times. Do you know...? Now Beta'd.


**H e r o**  
by Bevino  
beta'd by Word Salad

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* * *

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"Do you know..."

The words crunched. Like a record, played for one of its very last times.

_"...how many times?"_

_"..."_

Stop.

Rewind.

Stop.

Play.

Silence.

And then...

_"..."_

_"...do you kn...w..."_

_"...how...ny...ti...s..."_

_"..."_

Stop.

* * *

"Filthy beast."

I saved her. When the Sound ninjas attacked Konoha, I saved her. She was screaming, holding her children close to her body, trapped in the claws of the evil. One of the children—the smallest—was dead, and the other was screaming along with her mother. And I saved them. All of them, even the one who could no longer be saved. That would be horrible. To leave one behind, that is. I remember the fear in their faces, as they desperately clung to my body. Her nails ribbing into my back, the child's elbow digging into my open wound. The image burnt into my retina.

Now, I look at her. It is the same eyes, but they hold no fear. She spits on the ground where my feet is.

"Go away."

And I do as she says.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep saving them. What's in it for me? What am I expecting them to do? To forgive me?

Never.

I hate myself when I think like that. 'Cause I'm just a demon. I have no other purpose in life than this. I should be punished for thinking like that.

I hate myself now, as I walk down the town. As always, people are glaring at me, whispering names, turning their heads away in disgust.

"Demon."

I can't hate them. They have to have someone to blame. I would also want to blame someone.

"Monster."

* * *

I saved him. He is a Jounin, and we were on a mission together. Not only us, a couple of others to. I was the leader, but sometimes they didn't listen on me. When I asked stuff, wanted them to do something, had to make them do something. They wouldn't listen. The whole mission was a catastrophe. He would've lost both his legs, if I hadn't been there to save him. He begged me, shook my arms as I stopped the bleeding. 'Never again,' he said to me. 'If you save me, I promise you that I will never hurt you again.'

Now when I look at him, I can only see the begging in his eyes. For once, he had to thrust me, and once, he had been so helpless that he had to ask the demon for help.

He had even lied to be saved.

I would rather die than to lie like that. I know how much it hurts.

I can see the Hokage tower now, and it's a relief. I don't have to be here so much longer. Soon, I will be hidden behind thick walls. In the Hokage tower, I am safe.

That's one of the reasons that I wanted—wants—to be Hokage I guess. In the Hokage tower, people would see me. Not as a demon, but as a leader. Someone who will save the village over and over again.

Heh. Like I don't already.

Feeling my stomach rumble, I stop at the Ramen shop. I like the owner. He is one of the people who can actually stand me. And he's making money out of it too. I guess he earned a fortune with me as a customer. I order a bowl to take with me, and he adds some extra pork into it, smiling at me. He doesn't take extra charge, and I smile back. He is one of the villagers I would want to save over and over again, him and his partner. I thank him, bowing my head, as I split the chopsticks and begin to eat as I walk. I buy a bun in the next market store. When the price is five, I give a ten.

I am just about to eat it, when a little boy catches my eye. His hair is dark, and he is dirty. He is holding a little cup with some coins in it, clothes trashed on his body. I feel sorry for him. I look at my bun and without hesitation, I give it to him.

His big, brown eyes, meet mine. His mouth opens, and then closes, before he crushes the bun into the dirt and spits on my feet.

I smile. I hate myself. Even now, I can't do anything but smile. Even now, I can't let my misery embrace me and begin to hate them.

So I walk. I eat. Through the streets I walk, ignoring the words that are said to me. I just see their faces. I saved your child, I saved your brother, your mother is alive because of me, what would you do if you still hadn't your wife with you, what about your beloved pet, look, you still have a house to live in, remember the fire? All I can think of is all the time I saved them.

I finally breathe as I walk into the tower. Taking the stairs, I make my way, slowly, but in the end, it feels like I am running. The guards don't even care that I walk into her office.

The scent of wood and summer embrace me, and I feel that this is where I am supposed to be. Where I am safe.

But I guess that that time is already over, like everything else. I see the worried but determined look in her eyes, her face, and I understand that it was not for a little nice chat she ordered me over. Behind her shoulder I see Jiraiya, looking out of the window, his wide back facing me. Even though I can't see his face, I understand that he is troubled.

"Naruto," she says. The silence fills the room, and I smile to make it easier for them. I sit down, place my hands on the desk filled with so many old papers and scrolls, and wait. I wait until she inhales sharply, clearing her throat. "There is a great force of Chakra heading towards Konoha. It's the Akatsuki."

She didn't really have to tell me more. I knew where this was coming, and I had been trained for a time like this from the minute I was born.

A hero, great Yondaime had pleaded. It had been his last wish. That the boy who the demon fox was sealed inside, were to become the hero and saviour of the Hidden Leaf Village. And they had trained me. To become a hero, a ninja with such great power that he, when the time came, was destined to save the people. What else was the reason for Sandaime to be nice to me, get me an apartment, telling the other villagers not to tell their children about my curse? Why else would Iruka always keep an extra eye on me, babying me, taking care of me so I would fulfil my fate? Why else would Kakashi be so scared of teaching me, only seeing Sasuke as the more potential hero to save the village—when the time came? Why else would Jiraiya have been so eager to take me as his pupil? Why else would Tsunade give me the necklace, other than to give me hope and dreams she still knew I was never able to make true?

I was a mere fool taught to become a killing machine.

A hero.

When the time came.

As she tried to explain to me, I put up a hand to quiet her. She was much too shaken to care about my behaviour. I know, I told her. I know.

Give me the destination and my weapons, and I'll get going.

I left them in the room as they both looked down, Jiraiya at the floor and Tsunade at the desk.

The door shut, and I was free from their eyes.

I knew I probably hadn't time enough to do what I wanted to do, but I did it anyway. This time I didn't care if I brought attention to myself, as I jumped over the buildings. I knew the way so well, even though I hadn't visited her that often. Only when there was a mission. I landed before her door and knocked gently. It was quiet inside, but soon I heard the faint footsteps of a being inside. The door creaked open, and I saw Sakura's face peeping out.

"Naruto," she said, sounding neither happy nor irritated. We had become much closer over the years, and I wanted to speak to her one last time before I went inside the deep forest of Konoha. She waited for me to say something, and just as I opened her mouth, she spoke up.

"I don't really have time for this now," she said. "Maybe we can take this tomorrow?" I saw the look in her light green eyes. She had become a beautiful woman over the years, but I would never have other feelings for her except as and friend. Friend. The word hit me, sinking deep into my brain. I didn't think it would ever feel like this. I have waited for the day to come—I knew the day had to come. But it wasn't until now it finally sunk in. This was the last time. The mission was a suicide mission, a mission only I—the monster—was able to manage, and still it was a suicide mission. No one else would have a chance, but at least I would be able to bring the enemy down in the fall.

I gave a slight nod, and the door was shut in my face.

I saved her. Over and over again. First when Sound and Sand attacked Leaf. And then one time in Snow Country. I saved her the time we went to Sound to rescue the last Uchiha, and I saved her the time...I saved her so many times. It wasn't that she wasn't worth it. But sometimes I wonder if I would be happy if I could've seen the slightest thank you in her eyes.

But I am wrong, aren't I? A hero would never demand a thanks, never want something worth the fight. That was the wonderful thing about heroes. You always had them there, and they always saved you, but you never had to give something in return. That was what it was.

But then again...

Am I really a hero?

* * *

"Disgusting fox."

The words hit me in the back as I walk to my last destination before I go. It is the largest area in the whole Village, and it isn't too far. Both he and Sakura live in the proper, nicer parts of Konoha. I see him long before I arrive as he sits in the tree. I always know where I have to look to find him, because he is always in that same tree.

He sits there, watching the Village as the days floats by.

We haven't talked since I brought him back.

He doesn't even look at me as I sit down beside him on the branch.

"Sasuke," I greet him. He doesn't answer, but I didn't expect him to either. In the beginning, I tried to talk. I would ask him about the new techniques he had learned during his stay in Sound. During his stay, I say. It sounds like he had a house where he could rest with some aunt, and not at all the horrible place it actually had been. I like to think it like that. Sasuke would never really leave me, he just wanted to take some time off. And then I went to get him, and together we walked back to the gates of Konoha.

Yeah. Something like that never happened. In my whole lifetime I had never seen so much death and blood as I rescued Sasuke.

As I saved him.

But did I really?

Ever since I brought him back, he became a empty shell, filled with air, lying on the beach like a dead stone. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing? Was it really for Sakura's sake I saved him? I know it wasn't. Sasuke is the only person who made me go through with my selfish thoughts. I...took him away from that place in order to save myself. I couldn't live without Sasuke.

I didn't save him.

A real hero would have let him get strong, to kill his brother. As I had been trained to save the Village, Sasuke had been trained to save the pride of the Uchihas. I had no right in the world to take him back, away, and still I did it.

I am no hero.

And the only person I truly love hates me.

Hates me so much that he doesn't stand to look at me.

Because that is true. He doesn't even look at me. His head his turned downwards to the right, his eyes having the same direction. I smile. I don't want him to see how sad I am to have to leave him. Even though we don't speak. Even though I don't even have the courage to just sit with him, until now.

I always knew where to find him, but I never went to him.

And I smile, even when I don't have to smile. Because he doesn't look at me.

"I'm sorry," I say, slowly. I know he listens. His hands twitch at the words. "I'm sorry I took you away from Orochimaru. I...didn't have the right to do that." I am still smiling, but I no longer face him. I watch the village I have to save. The village I don't want to save, inside. "It's beautiful, don't you think?" I know what he is thinking. What am I doing here, disturbing him? Why am I apologizing? Why am I acting so weird? I can't tell him. "That old hitai-ate...I can fix it for you."

After two years, he finally looks at me. Maybe not in the eyes. I think he set them on my chin, but he still looks at me. I reach my arm out and pull it out of his hand. He resists, holding tighter around the piece with a large scratch across it. I let it go and pull off my own. "Here, you can borrow mine meanwhile." I put it into his hand and take his old one before he can protest, and I quickly put it down in my pocket. It looks like he is going to say something, but he changes his mind and leans back onto the tree trunk. Sasuke is still looking at me, and I can't help but think how beautiful he is, still is. I don't know what he sees in these eyes of mine, I don't look in the mirror anymore. I simply don't care, 'cause I have no one to care about. I look down, ashamed of the piercing gaze he has set on me.

"Sasuke...?"

I look into his eyes, startled when I find him looking back into mine.

"...do you know..."

I bite my lower lip, afraid to continue.

"...how many times..."

My voice dies out into a whisper. I don't even know if he hear me or not, or if he is listening. All I can think of is his black eyes, and all I can do is to smile. I don't want him to know. I don't want him to know about what I am trained for, what I am, what I am about to do, what I feel for him, what I am going to say to him and what I think when I think of the things I hate myself for later.

And I know.

I look down and shake my head slowly. I put my hands behind my neck, loosening the necklace. The thin chain is glowing in the sun, and I crawl closer to him, not caring that he is uncomfortable. I put my hands behinds his neck and close the clasp. I caress the blue stone that has gone from dreamer to dreamer. It suits Sasuke. The blue takes out a colour in his eyes that I never seen before. His hair don't seem so dark anymore, almost blue, and I can see that he too has a little blue tone in his eyes.

Sasuke is truly beautiful.

Sasuke look at the stone that lay in his hand. I don't think he ever seen it before, since it always was hidden underneath my jacket.

"Sasuke-teme," I say.

And his head turns up towards mine. And I am so close.

And I put my lips against his.

Only placing them there, feeling the soft pink underneath mine.

And then I withdraw.

His mouth is open in shock, and a red blush is covering his pale cheeks.

I smile to him, one last time.

"Bye," I say, and disappear. Leaving him on the branch.

And as I say that word, I also say goodbye to myself. After those words, I no longer think like me. I think like the killing machine I was raised to. I think the way they made me think.

I have no feelings.

* * *

My head is empty as I make my way to stop the attackers. They haven't arrived yet, but my senses tell me that they are not far from the gates. I meet them in the forest, trying to make the fight as far away from the village as possible. I lead them to safer grounds, being chased by them.

Because I am the one they are after.

I see the warriors running towards me, and suddenly I know I have to stop. I turn around facing them. They are rushing, and I begin to unleash the power of the demon. The filthy monster that lives inside me. The power inside me that would make me a hero. And I wonder, one last time.

How many times do I have to save someone to become a hero?

And suddenly I see his face in my mind.

My hand moves itself as it makes its way down to my pocket. It grips the hitai-ate, and ties it around my head. Over my eyes.

I don't need my eyes for this.

Because this is a suicide mission.

This is an execution.

This is the only way to get rid of the demon.

And my world turns black. With a light colour of blue, hidden deep inside.

_

* * *

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"Sasuke...?"

_"What is it, dobe?"_

_"...do you know..."_

Silence.

_"Get to the point, Naruto."_

_"Yeah, yeah, chill out...do you know how many times..."_

_"No."_

_"What?"_

_"No, I don't know how many times it takes before you become a hero."_

_"Oh..."_

_"Dobe..."_

_"Teme..."_

Silence.

_"Y-Youarealreadymine."_

_"Wha-"_

_"You heard me."_

Silence.

_"Yeah...yes, I did."_

Stop.

Rewind.

Stop.

And then...

**

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End

**H e r o**

I don't know how I want you to understand this. I think I have mine idea, but I want you to think of it in your own kind of way, so I can't really answer you if you ask. I guess you can take it as a both happy or sad ending.  
But mostly of all, I hope you enjoyed it. I really did have a great time writing it! And thank you, Word Salad, for beta'ing this fic! Have a nice day!

/Bëviño


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